Not sure if this will be easy to follow or not...or even make sense...the thoughts are all jumbled up so I'm just gonna open the gates for a few minutes.
I think I am a very easy going, understanding, considerate, nice person. But I don't want to be. I want to be controlling. I want things my way. At the same time I don't think that's too much to want or expect...because what I want is reasonable & is only the way things should be.
When I care about anybody, I want them to be happy & feel it's my job as somebody that cares to act in a way or do things that will make them happy. I go out of my way to make people happy & to not do things I know would upset them. I just want people to treat me the same way.
I feel like I'm always giving but never getting. That sounds so selfish & rude. It's not like I'm asking for royal treatment or lavish gifts every time I turn around...but it would be nice to know I'm appreciated. I don't care if it's just words...that's better than feeling forgotten or invisible.
For as long as I can remember I've been a giver. Anything & everything just to make the people I care about smile, make them happy, ensure that they know how much I appreciate them. I'd like to be on the receiving end for a while.
Maybe I am being selfish or bratty wanting some attention & recognition but I don't really care anymore. Everybody deserves to feel like they're special...I just want to be everybody every now & then.
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