I am prone to addictions. I know this. If I like something, I like it. I want all of it I can get. I drink, I smoke. I have enough sense not to try anything illegal because I know if I like it I'd be an addict.
I like feeling wanted. I like feeling needed. I like feeling loved. I like feeling connected even though I try to keep myself disconnected. I'm sure I'm strangely addicted to all those feelings as well. But all those feelings get me nowhere.
Nobody knows how much hurt & pain I carry with me every single day. I don't let many people know because nobody can fix me. I don't let many people know because I don't want to whine about it. I don't let many people know because I'm supposed to be strong & show no pain or weakness.
I'm broken to pieces inside. I hate this feeling. Definitely not addicted to being this way, but I don't know if I'll ever shake it. Guess I'll be forever addicted to wanting better or wanting more.
Isn't wanting better or wanting more sorta selfish or wrong. Shouldn't I just be happy with what I have? Even if it's not what I want? I don't have any answers.
