Dependency is not a word that I have ever associated myself with. I have always been able to take care of myself. I've never been "one of those people" that are always asking for help.
I don't mind people asking for help from me. I've always been more than willing to help anybody any way I can. I even enjoy it most of the time.
For those of you that know some of the things I've been through, you most likely will find it a little easier to understand why it is so hard for me to "trust" anybody. More than once, depending on somebody else or asking for help caused more pain & hurt than I had ever dreamed possible.
Even now, I don't like to "depend" on anybody else for anything. Knowing that I can take care of things myself puts my mind at ease because I know I can't be let down as long as I am not expecting anything from anybody else.
If I don't ask anybody for anything or if I don't ask anybody for help, I can't be let down...but at the same time, if somebody asks something of me, I go out of my way to help them out because I don't want to "let anybody down" because that is what happened to me.
This summer has been hard because it seems like I've been forced to depend on other people & ask for help. I don't like it & it's been hard. Yesterday was really bad. Several times I just sat down and almost came to the point of crying because there are some things that I just "can't" do without asking for help & depending on somebody to be them to help me.
Colleena (7/17/08 5:30 PM):
ReplyDeleteI understand how you feel! It is very hard when you have always been let down! But as we get older we start to understand that asking for help is ok as hard as it may be! And that yes at times we will still be let down but when you need help the most and you recieve it, life is much better! At least for a little while! You have come along way! I'm happy that YOU are my children's other MOTHER! Oh yea it is ok to have a good cry about things that are out of your control! Thanks for all you have done and are doing for my kids! Colleena