It's not really "that" bad...

In my world nothing is really all that bad. (And, I say "in my world" because people that know me would most likely tell you that's were I am...in my own world.) Sure, things aren't all that great, but they could always be worse.

I do bitch & complain about my life a lot I guess. I usually say I'm not much of a complainer, but today I realized, just out of the blue, that I am. I'm not exactly happy about that realization, but...

But in my defense, I'm not a "normal" bithcher & complainer. (Yeah, y'all had to see that coming...when am I ever a "normal" anything?) I don't voice all my woes to everybody around me on a constant basis. I, for the most part, keep my complaints to myself or to my writing. I don't go around every day spouting all the feel-bad thoughts about my life in spoken words to everybody I see. I am a, by-actions, optimist.

When I talk to people, on very rare occasions I do actually "talk" to people, I want to be positive & say good, uplifting things. I don't want to be one of those people who people dread because everything that comes out of their mouthis negative. I could be...my thoughts usually live in "feel bad land"...but I would rather try to make the people around me happy & have them be in a good mood rather than down. My solution is sarcasm & jokes to make light of situations.

It doesn't always work like a charm & a lot of times people really don't relly know what to make of it or how to take me. But I am that way with the best of intentions.

Yes, I think most of the time that my life sucks balls. However, I'm sure it could be worse. I am going to avoid my usual urge to elaborate on every thought that pops into my head as to why my life sucks balls, because when I give in to that I wind up writing & writing & writing & writing...well, you get the point, right? Basically a bunch of bs about blah blah blah that nobody really cares about & that I after reading back over what I wrote (like I know better than to do, but usually do anyways) decide that I really shouldn't actually publish on the internet & then wind up deleting hours or so of text so I feel safer knowing that all my closely guarded secret thoughts stay that way. (Like anybody actually reads this stuff I post on here anyways.)

A friend of mine tells me over & over to just post the ramblings that I write down how they show up on the screen & not to re-read & censor things out because that way my future book is already written. He seems to think that people actually care & want to read about my crazy thoughts & wacked up life. I have told him that one day I might be able to do that but for now I still have issues with people knowing too much. Maybe when I'm old & away from "where I am now" (mind-set-wise) I'll do that, but for now I think I'll just stick with my vague & censored way of wriing ramblings down so they're all confusing. Seems to work better for me this way for now.

=)