...I don't have a freakin clue what this is. Everything was fine one minute & the next I was back in some sort of hell. I just want to run away & disappear. Leave all the heartache behind me. I look around me & all I see is the pain I cause.
Made a call. Have job feelers out about 150 miles away. Can I really do that? Probably not. But do I want to? Hell yes!
I know what I want. It's never been mine. I don't see how it could ever be mine. It gets dangled in front of me time after time. I think it's right there. I feel like a damn rabbit chasing a carrot on a string. It's always gonna be just a few steps out of my grasp.
I don't like not getting what I want. Yeah, that's a bratty thing to admit...actually bratty isn't even close to the right word. It's down right horrible for me to say that. Here I'll admit it...I'm a horrible person.
I know I have people that care. But just because they care doesn't mean they understand. There's no way they can understand because I guard my innermost feelings with explosives. If anybody knew, they wouldn't think I'm the great person I try to be.
I have so many words log jammed up in my mind. I know there are words to say what I want to say but I can't get them to my fingertips.
Therefore...if anybody cares enough to save me, feel free to do so. I just hope that they know how dangerous I really am. I've destroyed everybody that's ever got close to me. Are there any explosives experts out there that are up for a good challenge?
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