You can't understand unless you've lived it yourself...

I'm broken.  Completely shattered on the inside.  But nobody knows.  Nobody understands.  They look at me & I see it in their eyes...I see them thinking "whatever, just get over it"...I see the cynicism.  And they don't even know the half of the pain I keep hidden inside.  But because I see it, I hide "me" from their glares.

I'm far from stupid.  I know how I'm "supposed" to be.  I've tried to do it.  I can't.  Sure...I put on a good show.  I can fake normal for a bit.  But it drains every bit of energy from my core.  It's exhausting pretending to be something you're not.  Even if that something is just okay.  I'm not okay.  I can't even remember a time I was okay. 

I want to let somebody in.  Anybody at this point.  I want to feel accepted...truly accepted...all my broken pieces accepted. 

I wake up wanting to fall apart & cry.  I spend my days doing the best I can not to fall apart & cry.  I go to bed wanting to fall apart & cry.  But I don't.  Because I don't know how to answer the question...that one big question...What's Wrong? 

I don't know.  Nothing.  Everything. 

I want attention, but no way in hell am I gonna ask for it.  I want time, but I'll never say so.  I want to feel like I'm needed, respected, useful, wanted...but I won't beg for it.  I want to feel loved, but I don't want to impose.  Because all of these things should be freely given...not given because "I" want them. 

Unless you've lived it yourself, you can't understand how it is to feel like this every damn day.