I still have a couple shelves that I need to cut & I need to add a section of trim. I did goof a little bit by not removing the back of the original shelf because now I have to figure out how to move the shelves that are screwed on from the back side...
Some how I always seem to manage finishing stuff up without actually finishing anything. Looks like I've done it again. Ta-da.
I've finally cleared some of my mind. After carrying a secret around for about 8 years, the "knowing" that I've finally told him about what really happened back then has finally set part of me free. I think that's what inspired the new project. The initial relief that I felt in my mind gave me a peace that I hadn't known in years. For the first time in a very long time I was able to sit back & think about "nothing" without actually anything of anything. As far as all that goes, I feel good.
But most days are still like today. I haven't done anything...I don't want to do anything. I've sat here on the couch & watched about 20 DVR'd NCIS episodes. There are things I "need" to get up & do - I just don't want to. I've thought of tons of things that need done...I've also decided I'd just do them tomorrow...knowing good & well that most likely won't happen because the kids will be out of school for the weekend & holiday on Monday. That should have helped me talk myself into doing things today but instead I'm just a little flustered figuring it won't get done until next week now.
I'm sitting here watching the clock. In about an hour I've got to get up & go to town to pick the kids up from school. I dread it. I don't want to go. I don't want to go anywhere. Just getting up, getting dressed & doing anything gets me flustered & aggitated. I put off doing anything involving going anywhere as long as I can - which is most likely why I'm usually late. Since I'm usually late that adds to my flusteration level. But I know that the reason I'm usually late is because I'm flustered in the first place & because I put off going until I'm already pressed for time. The "knowing" why I'm late & the "knowing" why I'm more flustered than I should be doesn't do anything though...I still do it.
A couple weeks ago I even went through hypnosis to try to ease my social anxiety. She told me that I did wonderful through the session but I haven't noticed any change in my dread of going anywhere.
Most of the time the anxiety kicks in before I go anywhere & eases up once I've actually there. In big crowds or when there are lots of "strange" people around me I'm usually wound pretty tight the whole time but when I'm just going to "normal" every day places I'm usually okay once I actually get there. I don't know if maybe I should concentrate more on the "building up" part of going places?
Since I'm rambling here, I've got an entertainment center that I need to get rid of now. It was about $350 new - guess I could sell it for about $200 if anybody wants it. It's heavy...has 3 thick black glass shelves, dark colored wood frame & an arm that comes up from the back to hold a flat-screen TV. The arm is hollow so that cables & wires can be hidden from view. It's a nice piece.
I'd stash it somewhere but it's a little too big for me to just stick it in a closet & a little too heavy for me to just load it up & take it to the storage building...not just an easy pick up thing. Most likely will wind up taking it to storage but then I've got to sorta make more of an effort to do something than I usually feel like doing. I've got tons of stuff I don't need. Should have a garage sale, but then I'm openly inviting people to come see me & talk to me. Hard to have a garage sale when you avoid people like I do.
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