Too much drama

I want to sit down here & just write but I don't even know what to say. I've sat here for more than several minutes just watching my screen do nothing.  I'm so tired, haven't slept more than a few hours a night all week long & up until the last few hours I've been wired.  Now I seem to be on the crashing end of things though.

This week has been hard.  I'm starting to think this is why I've never really had "girl" friends.  I don't know how to handle this amount of drama in such a short time.  Of course I've always leaned more towards blow it all off & move on with life.  I cover everything with sarcasm & smart-ass comments to prevent myself from outwardly being 'down' or upset.  I very rarely let other people know if I'm upset or hurting because I don't want to "bring them down" with me.  I want to surround myself with happy people in order to "bring myself up" so I can try to hide the hurt long enough so it can go away.

I don't like being around unhappy people...it makes me nervous.  I have never been an overly sympathetic person.  It's not that I don't care, I just don't like dwelling on negatives.  I will always listen to my friends if something is bothering them or if they need to talk, but letting it consume your life to the point of where this has gone is a little much.  I want to do something with the bad & then move on to something else.  

I don't want to be around people that can't handle their own emotions to the point where they think they no longer want to live.  Nothing is worth going that nuts about.  All that does is make things worse & is about the most selfish thing I can think of.  What about your family & friends...what about your kids???

This mess has hurt too many people.  People that shouldn't be hurt because of this are hurting.  They're completely innocent of causing this, but they're being torn apart inside because of it.  That really gets to me because she didn't do anything to deserve what she's been going through.

I wish I knew what to say & I wish I knew what to tell everybody.  I wish I knew what the magic words were that would fix everything for everybody.  I am tired of feeling like I'm in the middle of everybody though.  I can't tell people the things they want to hear because it would be a bunch of bullshit & I can't tell them the things they don't want to hear because I don't want to deliver a crashing blow either.  I'm tired of trying to tread water enough to just ease people through this.  I can't do it anymore & I won't.

I just want everybody to be happy...just don't know how or what to do to get things there.